Friday, January 7, 2011

Dilly Dally Shilly Shally

Cloud: Tifa, I'm not fit to help anyone. Not my family, not my friends, nobody.
Tifa Lockhart: [sighs] Dilly-dally, shilly-shally... Dilly-dally, shilly-shally!
Reno: I think she wants you to move on, man.

As creatures of habit, the worst habit we all have is dwelling on the past. I know what you're thinking, the whole last post is about dwelling on the past and this is just another one telling us to move on. Well, not so much. The last one was intended to help you take control of your present in situations you can control, like saying things that need to be said before it's too late. This one, on the other hand is all about moving on. It's also based on a movie this time instead of a song just to show I can be versatile.

Back on topic now. I firmly believe that the phrase "What if" is basically the F word of our past. We always sit and wonder what if I would have done this instead of that or what if I had just tried that one thing or what if I didn't try that one thing? It could be as simple as paying $75 for a 10 lb burger to split amongst friends or as complicated as why did I choose to run to her when I already had everything here. One of those is all kinds of me, and it's not the burger one. There are so many times I regret choosing to leave school to go be with someone who in the long run turned out to be someone who I want nowhere near my life now.

I was having a conversation last night with my mom and we had one of those what if talks that really got under my skin. We hit on things like school, meeting my ex, where I am now, where she is now, and so much more and the fact is that we can't do anything to change that past by just thinking about it. The only thing we can do is focus on our future and how we can get to where we really want to be. As hard as that may sound, it's really the only thing we can change. Just like Isaiah 43:18 says, "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past."

Oh, and there's one more thing I wanted to touch on since we're going on dilly dally shilly shally.

Tifa Lockhart: [referring to Aerith] Which is it? A memory or us?
Cloud: [to self] But... I let you die
Aerith Gainsborough: [in Cloud's mind, sighs] Dilly-dally, shilly-shally. Isn't it time you do the forgiving?

Oh forgiveness, how we loathe thee. It's such a pain because, let's face it, when we seek forgiveness, it's because we realized we were wrong. Personally, I think that's the hardest part of the forgiving equation. Battling with ourselves and trying to justify every little bit of what's going on on how we were right and don't understand how someone else could ever be mad. When we finally do come to terms with it though, then we need to ask for it and admit to that person we were wrong.

But what about the person forgiving? The fact is, forgiving isn't even for the person who did the offense to you. Forgiving someone is for yourself. More often than not, the person who hurt you will just forget it because it wasn't important to them at the time or will never seek the forgiveness or blatantly just not care. But what about you (or me in this case), will we be willing to look past the situation and just let it go? Christ says we are supposed to forgive someone 70 x 7 times (Matthew 18:21-22). It's more of a metaphor. If we're willing to forgive someone 490, it should be easy to just stop counting at one point. Who's keeping tabs anyay?

Cloud: Are sins... ever forgiven?
Vincent Valentine: ...I've never tried.
Cloud: You mean?..."Never tried"...
Cloud: Marlene, let's go.
[to Vincent]
Cloud: Well, I'm gonna try.

This is to let someone who was once the most important person in my life know that despite all that was done, how it was done, and what the end result was, I forgive you. More likely than not, she'll never read this. But this was for me. I'm letting it all go. Dilly dally shilly shally.

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